Kalistani Major History

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Youth of Kalistan Eagerly Await Arrival of the Beat Brothers
Details of Arrival still scant
Sulari, Suldanor
May 28, 4418


Channel 4 reveals the identity of the Beat Brothers, ending nearly 2 months of speculation

We are, by now, all completely familiar with the ubiquitous commercials which announces "The Beat Brothers are Coming!".  It started early last month, with a simple announcement that "The Beat Brothers Are Coming!"  The identity of the group was unknown at the time, and it was believed that someone had hacked the signal of Channel 4.  Instead, the commercials set off a veritable storm of interest and speculation, about the identity of this group, about the people behind the commercials.  Within days, the imagination of a significant portion of the population, especially those who watch Channel 4, was captured.

A week later, it was confirmed that The Beat Brothers was indeed a Valruzian band that is currently gaining popularity in the rock scene in Valruzia.  Their music was next to impossible to find in Kalistan, however, due to the embargo that Valruzia placed on our country at the beginning of the Straits affair.  A few tracks were released anonymously, and picked up by Radio Channel 3:  These tracks have been attributed to The Beat Brothers, but it has proven impossible to authenticate the source of these tracks. 

Nonetheless, these unauthenticated tracks became number 1 requests for a solid week on the Radio Channel 3, and on the TV Channel 4 afternoon show called "Complete Music".  This program normally attracts an impressive following of 7.5 million teenagers and young adults every afternoon.  But as of late last week, it was reported that since the beginning of this "Beatmania" which is sweeping Kalistan, Complete Music's viewership had tripled, and captured every demographic under the age of 35.  Meanwhile, the controversy surrounding the music was resolved.  Of the 5 tracks attributed to the Beat Brothers, 4 of the 5 were misattributed.  Two of them were made by Kalistani teenagers called the "Bash Bros" trying to capitalize off the mania, and two of them were covers of Lodamese folk music pirated from the Internet.  The one which still remained unattributed remains highly demanded on tv and the Radio, but the other four have all but disappeared from the airwaves.

Early this week, the commercial changed to a picture of the four Valruzians but it kept the same message.  The one remaining unattributed track was playing in the background of the 15 second long commercial.  "Complete Music" producer Josephine Guerrero confirmed that the music of this unattributed song was indeed an early and pirated demo from the Beat Brothers, which had been smuggled out of Valruzia by a Valruzian DJ, trying to cash in on the growing fame of the Beat Brothers.  Complete Music expected to be in talks with the Beat Brothers management to pay appropriate royalties to the band for the use of their music. 

Meanwhile, the backlash has already begun.  Felicia Banton, the influential columnist turned TV opinion personality, has lashed out at the corrosive effects of the Beat Brothers' music on the "minds of the youth" on TV Channel 1 last night. This incredibly reactionary opinion is characteristic of Comrade Banton is a bit on the extreme side, even for her.  But she appears to have struck a nerve with Kalistan's "Over 40" demographic.  This morning, the Republic ran a number of "Letters to the Editor" calling for KRTVN to stop running ads saying that the Beat Brothers are coming, and others suggesting that the Beat Brothers are going to warp the minds of the youth.  Granted, this is the minority view:  Most of the letters to the Editor about the Beat Brothers were calls for them to come (already!).  People, especially the youth have already scoured the Internet looking for more information:  They are the most highly searched term on various search engines.  A number of Beat Brothers fan clubs have already started up in all Districts, and both girls and boys are showing up to "Complete Music" in "We love You, Beat Brothers" T-shirts that some enterprising scalpers are selling outside of the show.

There is still no information about when the Beat Brothers will finally arrive in Kalistan, and we are still at a loss as to who is responsible for the hype campaign.  But if it is indeed just hype, one young lady we interviewed in the audience line for Complete Music yesterday said, "Well, I'm just going to have to find some way to go to Valruzia and see them there."  She was immediately cheered by 250 kids in earshot of our interview.

The Beat Brothers may still be coming, someday, but the Cult of the Beat Brothers is already here, and millions of screaming girls are awaiting the arrival of their new Gods.