A Battle Unseen

[Doc]

Ananto Estate, Eveari, Grand Duchy of Ananto, 9:42 pm

The Princess and The Empress sat in the living room.  The Servants had been dismissed for the evening, and Carolina sat reading a book on Kalistani socialism while Pavlina studied the girl.  The Empress' tea spoon swirled her tea and as she pulled the spoon out and set it aside, she took a sip.  She had been adding more of the brown powder to her tea than usual these last months, and usually it is enough to help her through her evenings, but tonight it wasn't really doing the trick.  The Empress contented herself, knowing that she had raised an intelligent, compassionate, and serious young woman, mostly on her own, and someday, that woman would take her place.  It was some solace.

The Princess looked up and saw her mother studying her.  "What is wrong mother?  Tonight you don't quite seem yourself."

The Empress took a sip of her tea and waited for her medicine to take effect.  It was quick acting, and slowly, she felt a somewhat calm feeling sweep over her mind.  It arrived just in time to prevent her from misting up.  She answered, "Oh, tonight I just miss your father, more than usual.  I wish he is still here."

The Princess knew instantly it would be "that kind" of night.  As dreadful as her mother appeared to the world, Carolina knew a different person, a woman who loved very deeply, and who lost everything.  She put her book down and moved to the sofa, where her mother sat, an instinct to comfort took over and she felt the familiar measure of pity for her mother.  But at the same time, she also felt a different feeling that was growing more common:  resentment.  Carolina resented that her mother was so injured by events of 15 years ago that she required the emotional reassurance from her own daughter.  But Carolina still gave it to her anyway: Carolina, the good one, Carolina the smart one.  Carolina, the reliable one.    When would Carolina be the Free one?

"Mom, I know I say it regularly, but maybe its time you found someone else.  I know nobody will replace your husband.  Nobody can replace him in my heart either.  He was the only father I ever knew.  But you spend your time in this house and you shut out the world.  You have been grieving for fifteen years, way longer than you were married.  It's not healthy for you, and it is not good for me, or for anyone.  You..."  she was cut off.

"Oh Carolina, how can you say such thing?  Get another man?  Like that solve thing?"

"I mean, even some friends, it doesn't have to be a husband.  You never go out anymore.  You have abandoned the Capital completely.  Aren't you miserable here, by yourself, with only these... these servants around her cleaning your home, giving you food?  You are a shell of the woman I know you can be, and you spend a lot of your time fighting invisible enemies.  When we love you, I love you, and I want you to be healthy and happy...  Mother, please..."

The Empress sat quietly and returned to take another sip of her tea.   "Carolina, my heart, you don't know what night was like, not really.  I can tell you million times, you will never understand.  I still live in fear.  Fear that they will come for me, and fear that they will come for you.  These people are still live, you know, the ones who killed your father.  They still live.  I know where they are.  I watch on them every single day.  They could come and get revenge any time."

The Crown Princess listened to her mother.  This is the first time she had said anything about the people who were responsible for carrying out the assassination that killed her father.  After pausing, and allowing a dark thought to enter her heart, Carolina said in all seriousness, "Mom, where are they?"

Pavlina looked up from her tea.  "Why you want to know, child?  They are where they should be, and as long as I can keep them there, I'll be fine.  It's just..."

"Mother, why didn't you string them up?  Make an example of them?"

"Because law in Kalistan does not allow hanging, Carolina.  Listen to self.  Make example of?  Friend, you speak evil."

"Mother:  If you fear them, you have it in your power to get rid of them.  You know they deserve at least that.  Justice dictates..."

"Carolina, I forgive them.  I forgive them.  They took husband from me, they took whole life from me.  I forgive them, long time now."

Carolina was beside herself.  She was at a loss for words.  At length, she said, "Mother, how can you?"  Carolina could now feel the tears welling up in her eyes as she looked at her mother.

The Empress now felt the urge to comfort her only daughter.  "Brethren forgive those who hurt them, Carolina.  It is what we believe.  We do not take revenge.  That is wrong.  We must forgive.  I must forgive, it is only way I can go on."

Carolina looked up at her mother with a brand new mix of emotions welling up in her eyes.  "Fifteen years, mother!  Fifteen years of pain and suffering.  And for what?  Because you became Convinced?  That's all?  Because you think God told you to forgive?  That same god smites his enemies, and expects you to hold a higher standard?"

The Empress responded, "Carolina...  I... your father...  It's, just too complicated.  Them murdering my husband, your father, doesn't make more death right.  It is not right.  I can't say anything other.  My conscience won't let me do that."

Carolina now felt a wave of anger sweep over her.  "Maybe your's won't mother.  But I am not you."

The Empress suddenly felt the energy of the room shift in a way that it never had before.  "Carolina.  Tell me what you think right now.  You are not planning any wickedness, I pray.  Tell me."

Carolina looked at her mother.  "Nothing mother."

Pavlina now stood and placed some distance between her and her daughter.  "Carolina Hulanevek, you will answer me, your mother, or you will answer me your Empress."

Carolina recoiled.  She had not been called Carolina Hulanevek for many years.  "It is nothing, my Empress."

Pavlina said, "You will promise me you will not hurt those men and women.  You must, not while I draw breath."

Carolina said, "Don't be foolish, Mother.  I would never hurt them.  I promise.  The feeling is passed now, I would never touch a hair on their head."

But she knew someone who would, and all Carolina had to do was pick up a phone.

The moment had passed, and Carolina composed herself, and then said "Mother, I would like to invite Dame Lindsey over for dinner tomorrow.  Do you think she would like to visit?"

The Empress breathed a slightly perceptible sigh of relief, felt the tension in the room drop, and was initially about to make an excuse about why she was busy, or she couldn't make it, but she felt she should encourage her daughter instead, so she breathed deeply, summoned her courage, and said "Yes, I think this would be nice to see my old friend once again.  Thank you, my girl.  You are my singlular joy."  The two women spent the rest of the evening speaking on lighter topics, the melancholy seeming to pass from Pavlina, at least outwardly.